I momentarily lost control over my spirit, with my mind racing and uncertain about what to think as I awaited the results of the retro screen test. I barely sipped my malt beverage and nibbled on the pie. A moment ago, I was completely oblivious to the nature of the test I had to undergo at the doctor’s request. A rash spread across my body, like the rapid transmission of a COVID-19 virus. Out of curiosity, I asked the phlebotomy technician who had taken my blood sample what the test was for, and she informed me it was an HIV test.
After wrapping up my time in the laboratory and entering the waiting area, I struggled to settle my thoughts, reflecting on the reckless and indulgent life I had lived in the past months. Would I find solace in God’s mercy, or would my mind drown in emotional turmoil and hopelessness as I waited? Eventually, the wait ended, and I returned to the doctor with a negative test result. Had the outcome been positive, would it have marked the end of hope, trust, faith, and life? Empathetically, no!, not at all! In truth, it would have been a great stepping stone to abundant life, because the difficult lesson to be learned in a believer’s life is to know his flesh, for we must be brought through all kinds of failures and deprivations before we see what the flesh is (Romans 7:24-25). On that day, God’s mercy felt so real to me; I could almost grasp it because it was pressing down on me with its weight.
The Bible reminds us, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:8-9). True repentance leads a believer to acknowledge their guilt without deception or hypocrisy. Like the humble publican who would not even lift his eyes to heaven, he cries out, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner.” Those who acknowledge their guilt will be justified because Jesus will plead His blood for the repentant soul.
The Apostle Paul did not shy away from the truth; instead, he described his sins in their full darkness, refusing to lessen his guilt. He states, “Many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to death, I gave my voice against them. I punished them often in every synagogue and compelled them to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted them even unto strange cities” (Acts 26:10-11).
A humble and broken heart, subdued by genuine repentance, will come to appreciate the love of God and the cost of Calvary. Just as a son confesses to a loving father, the truly penitent will lay all his sins before God, for now is the day of salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2). We can say we told a lie instead of saying we exaggerated a bit. We can admit an unforgiving spirit instead of continuing to blame others for our emotional distress. We can call sin exactly what it is, however ugly and shameful it may be, because we know Jesus bore that sin in his body on the cross. We have no reason to hide from our sins anymore.
